just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
