you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
