He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
