Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
