We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
