Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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