I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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