weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
