Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
