Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
