if you like me you must not know who I am
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
