Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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