Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
