worst night to have a conscience
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
