So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
