You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
