Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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