Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
