I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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