I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
