Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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