Cold hands, warm shart.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize