I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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