i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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