She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
