sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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