giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
