I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
