Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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