you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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