dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
