Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
