Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
