Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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