I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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