I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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