i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
