So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
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She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest