his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
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my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?