i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
