You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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