i can't believe i had my finger in that
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
