i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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