yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
