Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
