Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
