Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
