How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
