nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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