Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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