He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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