My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
