She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
