i think i have herpe
just one?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
