Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And then he peed in my hair
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