I wish I only lived at night.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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