Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
