Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
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