the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
