i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
