we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
