note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment