I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.