puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.