I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone