I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
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Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.