You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick