seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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