your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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