I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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