dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
