She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
smell my finger.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
