Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
