Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
