as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
