Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
