I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
