im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
