Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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