we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
